white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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