My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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