I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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