How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
