Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
