U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
