All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
