I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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