he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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