I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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