Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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