Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She's not a foreskin expert like you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
