I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
