I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
