forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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