The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
