It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
