no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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