so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
