went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
