My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
