I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
