hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
