I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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