thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
