"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did i walk over a car last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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