Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
