How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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