Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
