i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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