just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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