Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
