White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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