Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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