Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
