Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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