Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
