Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
