sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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