i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
