plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
