Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
