did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
