we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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