Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
