I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
