2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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