If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
