She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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