wanna go halves on a baby?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
