My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
