Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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