Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My feet surprised me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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