Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
