i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
