Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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