you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
