i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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